Angry Spotty Bulbear at Gatling Groink's Pizzeria
by WildCard0531
Summary: When a Spotty Bulbear has a bad experience at Gatling Groink's Pizzeria, he feels the need to let the world know how terrible it was. Parody of Angry Black Man at Chuck e Cheese. Rated M for strong language and drug/sex references. I own nothing


Angry Spotty Bulbear at Gatling Groink's Pizzeria

(We see a Spotty Bulbear standing in a parking lot ready to do a video, but an Empress Bulblax is staring at him and making him feel uncomfortable)

 **Spotty Bulbear** : Stupid ass Empress Bulblax is staring at me. She's going to fucking tell me to leave this parking lot. (He opens a grape Fanta soda and takes a sip from it) Come over here and talk to me, so I can do, "Angry Spotty Bulbear at Walgreens," bitch.

(The Bulbear leaves and starts to do a video in front of a restaurant called, "Gatling Groink's Pizzeria.")

 **Spotty Bulbear** : I tried to go inside, Gatling Groink's Pizzeria to have fun, I'm a big 22 year old ass Bulbear, I want to play! I can't play because there's a big damn Groink running around in there. He's always talking to me and shit saying, "My life sucks. I hate playing with Pikmin and Dwarf Bulborbs all damn day." Well, nigga, get another job. Why are you telling me your problems, I don't give a damn. My life has its own problems, penis dysfunction, life dysfunction, mouth dysfunction, I've got a lot of dysfunctions. I want some pizza and streamers, and I want to ride some rides. I go inside and there was a Careening Dirigibug with the biggest balloons I have ever seen. Her balloons look like five Puffy Blowhogs on her damn head. I go inside, and it's 40 pokos for 100 tickets? You need to have tickets to have fun? What kind of crap is that, I need to have whack-ass tickets?

(He then recalls when the Dirigibug asked how many tickets he wants)

 **Careening Dirigibug:** How many tickets do you need, sir?

 **Spotty Bulbear:** Tickets? Tickets for what?

 **Careening Dirigibug:** (Smiling) Tickets so you can have fun in this whirlwind of an adventure.

 **Spotty Bulbear:** Bitch, this is not an adventure. If you want an adventure, go to the Submerged Castle. If you go in the Submerged Castle you can run from 4 Wollywogs, 12 Waterwraiths, 9 Volatile Dweevils. You can run from Withering Blowhogs, and run from the Bulbmin and their babies. That's fun, that's a nice fun whirlwind of an adventure. A whirlwind of an adventure is not riding fake ass rides in Gatling Groink's Pizzeria as he says, "Have fun, have fun." That's not fun!

(Back to the present when an Orange Bulborb walks up to him, wanting to be in the Bulbear's video)

 **Spotty Bulbear** : Man, you think I'm the only one who hates this pizzeria? I found a dude who pulled up at Walgreens, come here, tell them the story.

(The Orange Bulborb tells his story)

 **Orange Bulborb** : Man, I entered the pizzeria with my kids. I have like three Dwarf Orange Bulborbs. Then I come home, and I have my three Dwarf Orange Bulborbs, plus two additional Snow Bulborbs, and I'm like, "Who the heck are these Bulborbs? What the world?" Man you can't go into Gatling Groink's Pizzeria with kids, you'll lose them all up in that joint.

(The Orange Bulborb leaves and Bulbear continues his video)

 **Spotty Bulbear:** The pizza in there is not cooked properly, they have toenail clipping and used tampons in the pizza. The chef is an Emperor Bulblax that's not wearing a hat, it's awful. And look at your mascot, it's a giant Gatling Groink! Put down some "Raid" or something and kill him! That's a giant diseased Gatling Groink that you've got running around with your kids high fiving and stuff. That's from a big old Groink that roller skates and play on skateboards. Is that a Gatling Groink, or an emo? The Groink is orange, he looks like he has four diseases in him, he looks like he has HIV in his right eye. He also looks sleepy, look at the god damn sign, he looks like he's taking heroin!

(He focuses the camera on the restaurant sign, which is an effigy of the Gatling Groink)

 **Spotty Bulbear:** His eyes are closed like that, are you high? Have you been taking heroin?

(He focuses the camera back on him)

 **Spotty Bulbear:** Dwarf Bulborbs and Pikmin aren't even in there playing, they are in there using construction paper to make knives! It's crazy as hell in there, the Emperor Bulblax chef is fat and nasty. He looks like a 200 lb lesbian. He doesn't wear a hat, and his eye stalks are all over the pizza, because they're sagging on the pizza. His eye stalks look like two yellow meatballs, looking like Spongebob's scrotum. Do you know what I can do with 40 pokos? I can get half an ounce of weed with that shit bitch, you crazy as hell? 40 pokos? You know what I can do with 40 pokos? I can use that as a down payment on that new game, "Xenoblade Chronicles X." With 40 pokos, you can only get 10 tickets. I can't even get a prostitute inside of Gatling Groink's Pizzeria with 10 god damn tickets. I need at least 500 tickets to get a nice, reasonable prostitute inside of the pizzeria! I thought you can do something nice with the tickets, get drugs or sell them on ebay to get more money, but you can't do jack shit with the tickets. Sure, you can use them to win prizes, but those prizes are just pieces of shit! I'd rather go to the Dollar General and spend 50 pokos on some prizes.

(He goes out back behind the pizzeria to see the Gatling Groink mascot molesting some Pikmin and Dwarf Bulborbs. The Bulbear hurries back to the camera)

 **Spotty Bulbear:** Got the Gatling Groink back there molesting Dwarf Bulborbs and Pikmin with is big ass cannon. Nasty ass pedophile Groink bitch! Now, my big question to the Groink, is who named him? Gatling Groink? Should've called himself Daryl: "Daryl the Groink!" That'd be a much better name. I go inside the pizzeria, and it doesn't even look presentable. The place look like the Bulblax Kingdom on a Saturday night! I couldn't even find it on my GPS. When I typed in the address for Gatling Groink's Pizzeria, the GPS said, "Did you mean, piece of shit."

(He takes a sip from the grape soda from earlier)

 **Spotty Bulbear** : And yes, this is grape soda bitch, this shit tastes good as hell….This is magically delicious.

(He puts the soda away)

 **Spotty Bulbear:** Why don't they have that much food on the menu. All they have is pizza and nasty ass salads. It looks like they got it off the tree. They just took the leaves off of the tree and put it on a damn plate. And the sauce on the pizza looks like Toady Bloyster semen. Serve the Groink, cook the Groink, I'll eat the Groink, just serve something presentable. I heard that there was a turf war going on between the Gatling Groink and Mickey Mouse, who's going to win? I have my money on Mickey. Mickey knows how to throw them hands. Plus, Mickey has a squad. He has all of Disney behind him. Who the the Groink have behind him? Four latinos and Eight baby girls, that's who he has behind him.

(He looks on the ground to see a ticket stub)

 **Spotty Bulbear:** These tickets aren't even made of real paper, they're made on construction paper. A Pikmin writes on the ticket and hands it to you. A 7-year old Blue Pikmin tried to sell me crack in the bathroom when I tried to take a leak. A 7-year old Blue Pikmin just came up to me, waving the crack around in my face, saying "What's going on dawg, it's my birthday party, bro." I'd rather pay a Man-at-Legs 40 pokos to get his gun and shoot my testicles in.

(He goes to the back of the restaurant again, to see that the Groink mascot, Emperor Bulblax chef, and Piliated Snagret waiter, are smoking weed. The Bulbear hurries back to the camera)

 **Spotty Bulbear** : The Groink mascot is back there smoking weed with the cook and a waiter. (He can't contain his rage anymore) IT'S HORRIBLE!

(His outburst scared a family of Breadbugs)

 **Spotty Bulbear** : I'm sorry, I'm working.

 **Breadbug** : Okay.

(The Bulbear waits for the Breadbugs to leave before he continues his rant)

 **Spotty Bulbear** : It doesn't even make any sense! The games in there suck! You know what games they have in there? "Throw the Syringe in the Sky and See Who it Lands On." That a game that they have in the pizzeria! Another game they have is, "Snipe the Groink." They give the Dwarf Bulborbs and Pikmin sniper rifles, and they get to snipe the Groink mascot. What kind of god damn game is that?! They have another game in there, "Taste the Pizza, and See Whose Slice has a Band-Aid on it." WHAT! Gatling Groink, you are a giant diseased Groink, and I hate you. Give me my money back, now! I'm going to give you my pen pal address, you better send me my 40 pokos, bitch! You want to know what my Piliated Snagret waiter put my order on? Not a piece of paper, he wrote my order on his beak. HIS FUCKING BEAK! What the hell!? I don't even think they paid their light bill in there, the lights are flickering on and off, as if it were a broken Xbox 360 controller.

(He finishes his grape soda)

 **Spotty Bulbear:** They have the worst fountain drinks in there! I wanted a Sprite, I asked the Piliated Snagret waiter for a sprite, and he said, "Yeah, right!" I wanted a Fanta, I asked him for a Fanta, he said, "F you!" I then asked for a Hawaiian Punch and he said, "Well, I'm Hawaiian, do you want me to punch you in your face?" And the water is brown, what kind of shit brown water do they have in there, it's nasty! If you wash your hands in there, you have to wash your hands after washing your hands it's so nasty. (He gets really pissed as he sees the pizzeria's old sign on the side of the building) You know what, I don't even care, I'm going to steal that sign over there. I like that sign, so I'm going to go ahead and steal it right now.

(The Spotty Bulbear takes the sign and goes home)

 **THE END**


End file.
